09.27.05
higher level…
no, its not raining. thank God for the weather. 
…things are moving on to a higher level. today, i was able to keep a promise to myself. that is, to go out and exercise. or at least, in today’s case, brisk walk for 30 minutes. i was able to do 3 rounds in the university oval. nice work, gurl. for the past few weeks, ive been feeling heavy and restless. i noticed that my pants are getting more fit, and my thighs more flabby, probably the result of a daily dose of pretzels before sleeping at night. now i cant afford to get any bigger and fatter (hehe…i dont have the money to buy a new set of wardrobe if that happens). i just realized that i want to be a model, not the supermodel type, but just a model—slim enough, beautiful enough to have a billboard along edsa. talk about wildest dreams.
…yup, yup, im moving on. yeah, i still look at YOUr pictures every now and then, especially when i get into senti mode and im playing one of those senti love songs, or when i find it really hard to sleep at night. (this is drama to the nth level!) but yeah, im moving on (didnt i just say that?) this is the loss of innocence…one just comes to that point in your life wherein you stop believing in fantasies, in fairytales. you start acknowledging to yourself that prince charming is just too darned hard to find, that happy endings are not always true for everyone. it rips at you, like the loss of a child or a toy you have treasured for so long. but eventually, you learn to pick up the fragments and you stand up a new person, with new ideals. yes, i may have turned into one bitter, cynical individual. it would have to come to that, anyway. so yes, im still thinking of YOU every now and then, but im working on forgetting YOU. i figure im gonna have to make a second repeat of that humiliating confession experience. friends are gonna say im asking for a second heartbreak, another ‘busted’ experience to add to my name. but i need to do it, for closure’s sake. then, im gonna have to say goodbye to YOU and to the friendship. its so hard when i desperately want to be more than just another buddy.
… im moving on. this is life on a higher level…
