09.01.05
thursday musings…
im taking a break from the melodrama of rainy saturday afternoons. 
its a thursday twilight, another ‘gimick’ night for many of the students here in the university. ahh, the luxuries of student life…
… was looking at my anorexic bank account( a term i borrowed from a colleague) and wondered if it would ever become obese, as in flat-out bulging on all sides. well, i finally conceded that it would never happen, me being a lowly, underpaid instructor. i am proud to be called an educator. i work in a reputable state university (actually, has always dreamt of teaching here). but that’s where the future of my bank account ends—i just work for the prestige of working in the university. love my job (truly!) despite all the papers to check, students to deal with and lessons to prepare. ive always believed that no job is easy enough. was just wondering if ill ever get to have a luxury job and get handsomely paid for it at the same time…well, it probably wouldnt happen. ahhh!
… started on a 10-minute meditation habit today. need to work on my concentration, on focusing my energies. but most of all, i need the moment of ’solitude’ to learn to forget a lot of things—work, expectations, family concerns, responsibilities, and most of all, YOU. i need to start loving myself. ive spent most of the past seven years chasing a dream, a hopeless fantasy. time to move on…
