10.21.05

friday night…

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:30 am by cla-uplb

normally, the whole place would be buzzing with students–either on a hurry to catch the last bus ride back to their hometowns, or with gimick-goers. but tonight, the absence of the usual crowd makes the silence deafening. it’s making me crazy—this silence. i have always enjoyed my solitude and moments of peace. but this is starting to get on my nerves. for one, i keep on thinking of my friends back home, of the gimicks, and the chit-chat i would probably be sharing with them right now. but im here because im working (no, im trying not to complain. afterall, im being paid to stay here, doing nothing—yup, im done with the training and my grades. yehey!) perhaps this feeling is aggravated by the fact that this is my first time to ever stay this long in lb. way back in college, i would go home immediately after my exams.

… perhaps i still have not yet conditioned myself that im not already a student here–that i wont ever get to enjoy the beauty of a sembreak. ahh, the price i have to pay in return for some hard-earned cash each month. makes me wonder now if ill ever be able to enjoy being a student again, dependent on my parents for my allowance, not giving a heck about things like monthly house rent, food, money for shopping some decent clothes (because the students have a mean tendency to criticize you if you wear the same clothes you’ve worn the week before ). probably not, expecially with dear sister going to med school next year, and with dear ate expected to pay for dear sister’s med books and allowance. got to save! got to save!

… im not complaining.. just venting out some frustrations, and probably some bitterness over dreams that may never come true. you hear me complain–that’s good. im still normal. if i stop it means ive ceased to exist. so this is good, still normal.

… now im wondering if someone actually gives a fig about my entries here. is there anyone who actually bothers to read my entries? i dont know… hmm… the thing is, i started this blog not to entertain someone’s own despondency. im not even expecting anyone to be interested in my musings. i mean, who would? anyone in their right frame of mind wouldnt care about the rantings of an angsty, romantic, hopelessly pathetic but eternally frustrated dreamer like me. i do this to entertain myself. because this has become a good avenue for self-expression (yes, and perhaps be discovered as the next best writer on the block! hehe). seriously though, if someone finds my entries here offending—do tell me. or better yet, just dont bother to read them. but if it does, somehow, served some good purpose (whether it made you laugh or cry, or entertained you in some distorted way), then this writer sincerely extends her warmest and heart-felt gratitude. because she has, in some way, touched someone’ s heart… and that has always been her eternally frustrating dream.

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