11.25.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 4:58 am by cla-uplb
im a normally jolly person, not really an extrovert and a party-goer, but i possess a certain love for fun and good old-natured laughter. we still have the occasional drizzles and rain here, but im through with the moping and the sulking. didnt i tell you this too shall pass?
im not bringing up the topic again, but suffice it to say that its water under the bridge now, or at least, as far as im concerned, it is. my friends still believe i have a lot of baggage to unload, not to mention dreams to let go and realities to accept. but for me, ive slowly learned to stop caring. the rain may trigger the occasional drama and pathetic ramblings, but after that, it also brings with it a renewed, refreshed spirit.
i hope im not making the mistake this time around. i just want to enjoy the company, and the laughter and the smiles this new thing brings. the words certainly brought on a new sense of hope. you make me feel cherished and important. im not investing anything yet, until i know why you came the way you did…
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11.09.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 3:38 am by cla-uplb
…i got a very amusing and interesting comment from the two people who read my blog entries (yes, i finally managed to attract some readers, despite all my pathetic ramblings here). nwei, they said that my entries are usually titled, someway or another with ‘rain’. it started out as something of a coincidence, me beginning my first entry on a gloomy day. somehow, i seemed to have developed a deeply dramatic urge to write when the rain pours down, especially in torrents—all those drama and scenes of a sentimental MTV. yes, i am a romantic. 
along the way, it has become a sort of pattern and later on, it has become my personal ‘touch’, the identity of this particular blog. blame it all on the dramatics—-the despondency the rains brings, the melancholic feeling that creeps on you when you see the rain pouring (all those thoughts of love–yuck!, and heartaches and all the miseries of life), or just the plain dramatic clarisse who’d like to add a little touch of drama even to the titles of her blog entries.
… but when it shines (imagine the heat of the sun burning through your battered skin, past all those adipose tissues, past the muscles, past the bones of your body–what an exaggeration!), well im not despondent, thus no little stirrings of pathetic, dramatic ramblings. i still write–it has become second nature to me–but the writing is more light-headed, a sort of floating in the clouds experience. im on a high when the sun’s out!
… im meeting my new set of students next week. im actually eager, excited with the idea. think about a new set of people i can fool (heheh–joke!! someone might come across this and before i knew it, i totally blew my reputation as a teacher to tatters). but seriously, a new semester signals a new set of clays to mold, a new batch of seedlings to take care of and grow. whoohoooh!!! that’s another set of people to whom i can leave a legacy. take away the stress, the amount of work it entails, take away the pay and all the headaches—-somehow, the thought of a humanitarian legacy-my contribution to this little world of ours–is enough to keep me going and say to myself that, yes, it is worth it and it will pay off!!!
… i can only hope so much.
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11.03.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:06 pm by cla-uplb
im doing this in 5 minutes…
the gods had been good to me. i got a week worth’s vacation–and that means free food, free movie marathons, free gimicks, free laughter and company. ahh! nothing beats the feel of home! someday i got to think about moving back to the province, probably finding a job in one of the universities there and settling down for good with my own family. lb’s great–no offense, but the place is too small for me i sometimes get claustrophic feelings. city life has always appealed to me (in some way). like what i always say, its a good place to get lost and be obscure. our place in the province provides me just the exact comfort—not too small that everywhere i turn i see the same faces, the same structures, and not too big also that you won’t know your way back home.
… in a week or so im going back to my life at the university. the rigors of earning money. if it isnt for my sister (who’s going to medschol) and my own vanity, i probably would be slaving off at the beach or travelling to some god-knows-where place and just basking in my own company. but work provides one with a purpose, and somehow, the money i earn here can hopefully afford me a plane ticket for a trip to the places ive always wanted to go.
…ok, im being spontaneous here. just trying to maximize my 5 minutes. i never was able to see the person i was hoping to see when i came home. looks like when someone doesnt want to be found, you really wouldnt see him, no matter how hard you look. anyway, i should be over this whole things so i have no business looking for YOU in the first place. blame it on some stupid idea that i can purge YOUr memory with one final glance.
…i got back on my feet and started writing again. im currently working on one really great piece, something i can really relate to. and im freaking excited about the whole thing because it serves as a panacea for me, a reliever for this broken soul. someday i hope i could turn it into some movie script—ahh, some dream! but really, i honeslty am finding some good thing about this current project. perhaps, hopefully, this would really provide me the closure i so desperately crave.
till then…
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