12.14.05
taking a break
perhaps its true what they say about the christmas thrill waning as one grows older. amidst all the christmas decors, christmas lights and christmas parties and exchange gifts, i still cant feel the spirit of the season. there’s a feeling of loss, or more appropriately, a feeling that something is missing. ive been busy with work lately (hehe..or at least, pretending to be), and when i get home, im too tired to even think of the gifts i have yet to buy or wrap. every afternoon, there’s a christmas presentation just outside our building, right in the middle of the "carabao" park decorated with christmas lights. but i barely even bothered to go out and watch any of those presentations(partly, the rains are to be blamed). i dnt know if i have just been too busy(which i dnt think i am, since every morning the work waiting for me on my table is still the same), or if i just dont have that childish eagerness for things like this anymore.
… the loss is like a gaping hole. im afraid that im not even going to remember anything of christmas 05 next year. deep inside, im worried about this season passing by just like another ordinary day in my life. what happened?
… i like to preserve the memories of every christmas in my life. my childhood was brimming with wonderful, sweet pictures of christmases spent opening gifts, going to Church as a family, wrapping presents, decorating the christmas tree. i wonder what christmas memory ill add to my collection for this year. i hope its something extra special. these days (and probably at my age) im not asking for clothes or shoes or toys anymore. if there’s one thing i would be proud of to say, it would be that i have learned to be less materialistic with gifts. im wiser now. i hope Santa would give me something he has never given me before. he knows what that is… id like to think that im wiser, more responsible now for that gift. i can handle it now, im prepared for it. if you will give me a chance, i promise not do anything to ruin it. please…
