01.15.06
melancholy (no, its not raining) ;-)
i miss the city life. i know its a pretty ironic thing to say, considering the ‘horrors’ and all the craziness of metropolitan living, but i miss the hum and the flow of city life. i miss riding the mrt and the lrt. i miss the very seldom instances wherein someone would gladly offer me a seat in the train. i miss the station stopovers— from ayala to cubao(one of the most crowded stations), from lrt taft to lrt central(to go to sm manila or go sight-seeing history in intramuros). i miss the monthly mall sales, the 50-70% off pricetags in boutiques and stores. i miss the "power-walking", as one of my colleagues put it, because things are never slow in the city. i miss the traffic, and the never-ending surge of the crowd every day. i miss the lights, and the hang-out places and the coffee shops and restos (ive never really explored all of them, truth be told). i miss the beautiful faces of the people, the fashion in the streets that distinguish who is in the upper echelons of the society, to the average, to the trying-hard, to those with their own definition of fashion. i miss the moments in the early morning when dawn breaks in the smog-clogged sky. i miss the company of my dear friend, maitz whose never-ending energy brings me from one place to another. i miss the company of my close friends in the city–such relief in a crowd of strangers.
dont get me wrong, lb has its own offerings (fresh air to breathe, a campus where i can run, lower cost of living). but the city–with its jam-packed malls and skyscrapers and the traffic and the big lanes–offers me a comfort that lb can’t provide. its a good place to get lost (well, at least figuratively) and be obscure. i find comfort in the impersonal atmosphere. i find solace in the idea that no one knows me and no one cares, and that i can do whatever i want to do. i find comfort in the idea that people won’t notice(and even if they do, they won’t bother to call my attention). they might whisper and talk, but what the heck, i probably won’t see them again the next day.
but its good to be here now, in the university where i find worth in what im doing, and some peace during moments of confusion. i guess there’s just some frustrated longing in me to experience the best of both worlds…someday… 
