02.04.06
part 3
i was able to accomplish 3/4 of what I set out for myself to accomplish this week, so, yes, im giving myself a nice pat on the back plus a treat to the spa. 
anyway, im in the mood for some writing exercises today.
so part 3, here it is…
… more than just the comments, the compliments, and yes, the criticisms i get from my students, this lowly job in the academe gives me a sense of worth as an individual. i had one student a semester ago. he was the snobbish, "i-don’t-care-if-you-care" type. he would sit at the back of the room, lost in his own world, totally uncaring of his classmates. i didnt knw how to reach out to him, or at least, get him to interact with the rest of the class. during the first few exercises when i would call on him to share, he would give short, brief, monosyllabic answers. to make it short, the semester ended with him interacting more with his classmates, hanging out with them, sharing more of himself, being more open. i guess it was partly because his classmates were also very accepting and all were open and always game. but id like to think that its also because i gave him the chance to talk and interact with people. one of the things i realized is that people are sometimes scared to share and interact and open themselves to others because no one bothers to listen or that they get the feeling that no one would care. if we meet someone who seems a snob, we dont bother to get past th ’snobbishness’ and discover the true identity of the person, thus, depriving him/her the chance to prove our impressions wrong. now, when i saw that student of mine starting to be more open and interacting and hanging out with classmates, it was a personal victory. i dont claim full credit for his ‘tranformation’, but one of the things i could take credit for is the fact that i gave him a lot of avenues to speak out, share, be open. most of all, i didnt take him forgranted, and i didnt stop even when it was hard breaking past his ‘defenses’ and the ‘distance’. persistence and perhaps, a ready ear… those were the ingredients.
so yes, they are worth every drop of ink from my cheap, red pen, even when the paper is figuratively dripping with ‘blood.’ to see their writing skills improve (after a lot of drafts) is a victory. to see the sudden flash of realization and comprehension on their faces when you’re trying to discuss a really complex, abstract concept is a giant leap from their state of ‘ignorance’. to hear them explain the things you’ve discussed to them in their own words is a benediction — a sign that you’re getting through to them.
… as for the perfect word that would describe my idea of ‘embracing love’, clarisse-style, it would be LIFE-CHANGING. well, in my limited experience (and some would even say it’s not, because i fell in love with his MIND and the fact that he’s a healer), let’s just say, it brought out much of the good things in me that i didnt knw actually exist. at least, i get to prove the point that im not a nerd, a geek, and an android (was on the verge of becoming one actually). ‘embracing’ love would mean accepting the realities of the experience, going beyond the ’safety zone’ (where you try to protect yourself from the pain and the possible rejection), not being bitter, and being able to move on (its impossible to come out unscathed and not hurt) and accept the next thing that comes along.
… yes, the truth may hurt but with all its tragic and funny details, it’s more interesting than the fancy words that try to sugarcoat reality. i have come a long way, from one who has existed in a dreamworld to someone who has learned to accept the truth. some things make sense afterall, even if the realization comes later.
