03.31.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 4:10 am by cla-uplb
my pimples are breaking out. i have dark circles under my eyes. i haven’t gone out to jog in the past five days. my desk in the office is a clutter of papers, tapes, grade sheets, and the sort of stuff a teacher like me can only find in her nightmares. classes have ended, and the grades are now due. oh my god!
i still have a box of tapes to listen to (approximately 50 tapes) and i have three more exercises in my writing class that i have to check. spare me, please! 
but yes, i still managed to put in some time for this entry. god help me if i don’t do this. im going crazy. right now, the writing and the typing are a nice respite from the tapes, the papers and the grades.
i don’t regret this though. i prefer this over sleepless nights, talking to people oceans aways, trying to convince them to buy a stuff ive never even seen, or enduring their complaints and stupid questions. this is nothing but a piece of cake. and just like anything else in my existence, this too shall pass…
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03.20.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 3:59 am by cla-uplb
the heart heals itself…
perhaps if i stop looking, the longings would seize. perhaps if i stop wishing, the fantasies would end. perhaps if i stop thinking, the memories would fade. i guess i ought to put a stop to my incessant ramblings about the past. and everytime i go jogging in the afternoons at the park, i ought to stop thinking about the ‘what-ifs’ and ‘what-might-have-beens’. and everytime i open my mouth, i ought to stop saying YOUr name, which has become a sort of an expression, a cry for appeal. everytime my eyes would wander over to someone across the street, i ought to stop looking for a white-clad guy in matching leather black shoes.
the heart heals itself…
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03.14.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 5:11 am by cla-uplb
im messing up. that’s it!
could someone please tell me if im still on the right track? or if im still doing what im supposed to be doing right? everything is a blur— a hazy picture of things happening in a flash. half of the time, i dont even know what im doing anymore.
… the emotional circus is long over. im a career-oriented girl now, with no care about YOU and whatever it is YOU’re doing in the white, sterile halls of the sanatorium (god! what a term!). i refuse to think about anything that has to do with YOU (although every now and then, i laugh at how my students described YOUr "hiphopper" look). but im NOT hanging on anymore. and my career is more important than chasing after something that is hopeless and elusive.
… one down, a hundred more to go. i hope i can make leaps and jumps in my career path. i hope i wont disappoint people’s expectations. i hope i won’t disappoint myself. there’s something i have to prove to myself and to the people around me — that im worth more than what they see on the surface. i want to prove that im a good and efficient teacher (read: more organized, more prepared, and with a wider understanding of what she’s talking about), that i can multitask; i can work longer hours and not drop dead the next morning, that i can learn new things. so yes, i can be a better person that what i am today. shucks!
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03.06.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 5:38 am by cla-uplb
"DONT LET GO TOO SOON, BUT DON’T HANG ON TOO LONG" — Tuesdays with Morrie
… im not hanging on anymore…
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