03.14.06
tuesday
im messing up. that’s it!
could someone please tell me if im still on the right track? or if im still doing what im supposed to be doing right? everything is a blur— a hazy picture of things happening in a flash. half of the time, i dont even know what im doing anymore.
… the emotional circus is long over. im a career-oriented girl now, with no care about YOU and whatever it is YOU’re doing in the white, sterile halls of the sanatorium (god! what a term!). i refuse to think about anything that has to do with YOU (although every now and then, i laugh at how my students described YOUr "hiphopper" look). but im NOT hanging on anymore. and my career is more important than chasing after something that is hopeless and elusive.
… one down, a hundred more to go. i hope i can make leaps and jumps in my career path. i hope i wont disappoint people’s expectations. i hope i won’t disappoint myself. there’s something i have to prove to myself and to the people around me — that im worth more than what they see on the surface. i want to prove that im a good and efficient teacher (read: more organized, more prepared, and with a wider understanding of what she’s talking about), that i can multitask; i can work longer hours and not drop dead the next morning, that i can learn new things. so yes, i can be a better person that what i am today. shucks!
Lourdes said,
March 14, 2006 at 4:16 pm
dearest clarisse,
on your questions:
yes, you are on the right track.
you will NOT make leaps and jumps in your career. rather, you WILL FLY and reach for what you desire most.
your dreams will be fulfilled in ways you cannot imagine. as long as you do not let doubt ruin your faith.
on your feelings:
“In all stories of love there is always something that moves us closer to eternity and the essence of life because the stories of love hold within all the secrets in the world.” (Paolo Coelho)
so in trying to move on, take care not to lose your divine connection with that which is unspeakably beautiful - love.
Dyqa said,
March 15, 2006 at 5:07 am
Emotional circus. I like the sound of that. Pero sige ka, instead of hiphoppahs, payaso ang magkakagusto sayo. Don’t worry, wala mang magic carpet ride, may elephants and tigers naman sa circus that will take you anywhere you want to go. Gusto mo malaman saan ka pupunta? Look for my booth in the circus. Yung may plackard that reads: What does the future hold? Manghuhulabaloo, P100 per session. But since you’re my friend and I love you, libre na lang ang reading ko para sayo:
“Claribel Barbel, tomorrow… Hmmm… I can see you eating… Hmmmm.. Could that be what I think it could be? Ah yes… You’re eating chicken at Chowking…”
Labyu!!! *hug*