06.24.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 12:41 am by cla-uplb
inaamin kong hindi ako magaling sa english, at hindi rin ako magaling mag-tagalog. minsan pa nga, sa gitna ng klase habang nagsasalita ako, malalaman ko na lang na nag-bibicol na pala ako. mas gugustuhin ko pang mag-english na lang kesa mag tagalog, isang beses, sabi ko kay PJ, "hey dude, bakit mo naman papasayin yung hotdog?" ang sabi nya sakin, "papasayin? anu yun?" nakipag-away pa ako sa kanya, at sabi ko tagalog word yun at dapat alam nya yun. turns out, mali ako (syempre pa!). wala pa lang ganun word sa tagalog. ang papasayanin (sa bicol, obviously) ay papapakin sa tagalog. at ngayon, napag-isip-isip kong baka nga kahit sa bicol, walang ganung word. ang weird ko talaga…
minsan ko lang ito gagawin. minsan, nauubusan na rin kasi ako ng english words at para na rin maiba, magtatagalog ako dito…masaya na minsan, magsusualt ka at hindi mo iniisip kung mali ba ang grammar mo (lalo na’t teacher ako) at baka ay ini-edit na ito ng ibang tao. 
nag-kita kami ng isang kaibigan nung isang linggo. hehehe.. namiss ko talaga ‘to si chivas. siya lang ang nagpapatawa sakin nang ganun, at siya din lang ang nagpasaya sakin dahil sabi nya, natutuwa daw siya magbasa ng aking entries dito sa blog, lalo na’t kapag tag-ulan. hey chivas, it’s not raining this time. and i ought to warn you, you won’t be reading much dramas these days, whether its raining or not. o sya, balik tagalog ulit… binigyan nya ako ng isang libro, na dahil sa sobrang ganda at inspiring ay nagvolunteer pa akong mag-trabaho as writer. minsan talaga, ang tanga ko. sana pala binasa ko muna yung front cover para nakita ko agad na ang librong yun ay sinulat at ginawa nitong si chivas. ay shet! mantakin nyo nga naman, ang layo na nang narating nito ni chivas (and to think na ilang taon lang naman ang tanda nya sakin — siguro mga eight years lang naman. heheheh). sabi ko sa sarili ko, gusto ko din maging katulad nya–working on achieving his dreams, being such a big inspiration to the youth. hmmm…siguro may oras din ako para sa mga bagay na ganyan. ilang taon pa, sana maging katulad nya din ako. gusto kong pumunta sa ibang bansa, gusto kong sumali sa isang youth org na kabilang ang maraming youth din sa ibang bansa. gusto ko pang mag-aral sa ibang bansa at matuto ng maraming bagay, ala Harvard student ba, yung tipong ganun.. o sige, kahit hindi na siguro sa Harvard, kahit saan basta may ibang perspectives, ibang kultura. at gusto ko rin makapag-inspire ng ibang tao.
…may nakilala pala akong isang foreigner sa isang training. hehehe…ang galing! youth ambassador siya ng kanilang bansa sa isang lugar dito sa southeast asia. ang galing talaga! sabi ko nga sa mga kasama ko, nang-hihina ako kapag nakikita ko siya. pero syempre, ayoko maging kabit (yup, may asawa na siya), so siguro hanggang tingin na lang ako. wala lang, gusto ko lang sabihin…;-)
…back seat muna ngayon ang lovelife (well, lagi naman siya back seat eh). maliban sa malungkot na katotohanan na busted ulit ako (hmm, technically hindi naman talaga. NR lang kasi yung gusto ko), magpapayaman na lang muna ako ngayon at magfo-focus sa career. who knows, baka kapag mayaman na ako, saka sila magdagsaan (kapag mangyari yun, wala akong pipiliin kahit isa sa kanila!). magdo-doctor ako, kung hindi ko man kayanin ang medisina, at least isang PhD in communication. tapos magiging mayaman ako, magtra-travel ako sa europe at asia. at kapag dumating ka at lumuhod sa harapan ko, tatanungin kita, "bakit ngayon ka lang? anong nakain mo ha?"
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06.08.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:52 am by cla-uplb
i just finished typing my long list of goals for my 23rd year of existence. its hard to believe that ive been around in this planet for 23 years, and yet looking back, the precocious little clarisse 15 years ago is still the same clarisse sitting in front of the computer screen and writing another of her long-winding blog entries.
as we grow older, our needs change, and they become more complex and harder to reach. so unlike our demands when we were kids — just a hug from mom and dad, a candy, a toy. now, as i look at that long wish list, there’s a trip abroad, masteral studies to pursue, recognition from colleagues and superiors. such a long, long list, and still counting.
a dear friend passed the NCLEX and in three months or so, he’s leaving the country. i’m happy for him, truly i am, but i wish i was given more time to know him. and if ever there’s something i would truly value learning from him, it’s his optimism. my friends chide me for being so cynical at such a young, tender age. im not angsty or bitter. im not even suicidal. but romanticizing things is something i gave up on a long time ago. now, this dear friend of mine has exactly the opposite mind frame that i have. and i wish he could teach me how to be optimistic somehow, even if most of the time, id probably end up being cynical anyway.
to you: congratulations! even if im cynical, i have always known that you can make it.
now, since there are a lot of things on my mind right now, id probably ramble on and on and on…
…it’s such an overrated thing, this idea of romantic L-O-V-E. i think some people are just plain lucky to have found it, others aren’t. if everyone’s supposed to have a destined ‘love of her life’, then why is it that there are single men and women, old maids, spinsters, bachelors? a friend sent me a message about being the piece that will complete a person’s puzzle. just out of curiosity, what if that person doesn’t find me? what if i die? does that mean that the puzzle will never be completed? or is there a substitute, a second best?
i say goodbye to any ideas of a ‘happily-ever-after’. fairytales don’t come true. there’s no such thing as fairytales (ok, you can kill me now for being so pessimistic).
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06.03.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 6:03 am by cla-uplb
They met two years ago. He dazzled her with his smile and wit, starting a casual friendship between two strangers whose paths suddenly crossed.
From across the table, she’d watch him smile and laugh and talk. And deep inside, she’d wish that she can be as close to him as his other friends are to him. She’d wish she knows the things he’s doing, the things he likes and those which he doesn’t. She’d wish she can make him laugh and smile as much as he makes her smile and laugh. And she’d wish that they can go out on their own, and talk about the things that they dare not talk about. He seems to know her quite well, knows that she’s an achiever, a perfectionist, and has high standards. He knows she has lots of plans and wants to go abroad just like him. He told her once she’s hard to reach, and she wanted to make him realize that first impressions don’t last.
There may be lulls and pauses in their conversations, but it is in these moments that she enjoys the solitude of his company. Sometimes she’s worried that she may be boring him. There are a lot of things she’d like to talk about, but just doesn’t know if he’s interested to talk about them.
She’d like to ruffle his hair and touch his arm, link her fingers to his. She loves the way he looks at life, with such optimism she couldn’t ever imagine. She loves his passion for success, his drive, his ambition. She likes the fact that he has plans and that he knows what he wants in life.
And everytime he’d hug her to say good-bye, she lets him go with much regret. As she goes back to her reality, she thinks about the way he looked and his smile and laughter.
But she wouldn’t ever risk telling him how she feels. Experience has taught her to best keep the feelings locked. Rejection is such a harsh stamp of failure, and she couldn’t afford to lose his friendship.
And when he leaves to chase his dreams, she’d smile and say good-bye to him just like what any good friend would do.
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