06.08.06
something on my mind
i just finished typing my long list of goals for my 23rd year of existence. its hard to believe that ive been around in this planet for 23 years, and yet looking back, the precocious little clarisse 15 years ago is still the same clarisse sitting in front of the computer screen and writing another of her long-winding blog entries.
as we grow older, our needs change, and they become more complex and harder to reach. so unlike our demands when we were kids — just a hug from mom and dad, a candy, a toy. now, as i look at that long wish list, there’s a trip abroad, masteral studies to pursue, recognition from colleagues and superiors. such a long, long list, and still counting.
a dear friend passed the NCLEX and in three months or so, he’s leaving the country. i’m happy for him, truly i am, but i wish i was given more time to know him. and if ever there’s something i would truly value learning from him, it’s his optimism. my friends chide me for being so cynical at such a young, tender age. im not angsty or bitter. im not even suicidal. but romanticizing things is something i gave up on a long time ago. now, this dear friend of mine has exactly the opposite mind frame that i have. and i wish he could teach me how to be optimistic somehow, even if most of the time, id probably end up being cynical anyway.
to you: congratulations! even if im cynical, i have always known that you can make it.
now, since there are a lot of things on my mind right now, id probably ramble on and on and on…
…it’s such an overrated thing, this idea of romantic L-O-V-E. i think some people are just plain lucky to have found it, others aren’t. if everyone’s supposed to have a destined ‘love of her life’, then why is it that there are single men and women, old maids, spinsters, bachelors? a friend sent me a message about being the piece that will complete a person’s puzzle. just out of curiosity, what if that person doesn’t find me? what if i die? does that mean that the puzzle will never be completed? or is there a substitute, a second best?
i say goodbye to any ideas of a ‘happily-ever-after’. fairytales don’t come true. there’s no such thing as fairytales (ok, you can kill me now for being so pessimistic).
