08.31.06
princess
i took another long jeepney ride today– a perfect opportunity to enjoy the evening breeze and ponder on some things like the possibility of getting sick and staying in bed for the next few days. although i would terribly hate coming down with the flu and a fever, the idea of staying in bed is as appealing as vanilla ice cream.
anyway, the said jeepney ride made me think of one of my childhood fantasies…becoming a princess. i used to dress up my dolls in full princess attire– the sequined gown, the tiara, the silver glass shoes. and as a silly kid, i used to dress myself up with our curtains and bedsheets for my gown, complete with my mom’s high-heeled shoes, her make-up and yes, that fancy headband with its equally fancy beads and stones for my crown. i never thought about a prince or an escort. i just wanted to be a princess and wear the tiara and the gown and experience the magical feeling of going to balls and dancing and being beautiful and feeling special.
but princess dreams are princess dreams. in our reality, it is a far-fetched, if not, an impossible dream. i never got to be prom queen, a very sad, but expected fate, considering that i was a geek and a wallflower and so unlikely to transform into a princess in one night. besides, we didn’t have a ‘prom queen’.
i’ve given up on my princess dreams. not because of bitterness, but because of the simple fact that one outgrows such childhood thoughts and insanities.
so if someone suddenly calls you ‘princess’, you back off and think and think and think. you’re not 1o years old anymore and being called ‘princess’ by someone requires more than just blushing and feeling giddy and excited and happy. you don’t give in to that sweet endearment, no matter if its one of the sweetest names you’ve been called. you don’t think about the blush, the excitement or the rush of heat in your veins. instead, you play devil’s advocate and you ask yourself what the heck this person must be thinking and what the motives are, because there’s usually one. you’re just being cautious because it’s a one-in-a-million chance that someone calls you that name.
you just have to forget that someone thinks of you as a ‘princess’. and even if that someone is probably one of the best, most gallant ‘prince’ you’ve ever met, you’re not going to do anything about it because, princesses have rules to follow and an image to protect. and so you take that jeepney ride and think about what a princess should do then…
John Raymund said,
November 19, 2006 at 11:45 pm
It is in the heart of reality that one speaks for his own essence. When no one seems to lend an ear and respond to such a fecundity, life can be as tribulating as ruptures or the second coming are. If the mayfly reaches its hiatus, the recesses may be complete in the moments of enigma. Princesses are just the serendipity of hubris and ego ascendancy. One time, one may find the answer in the deepest trench of these warmed arteries. Life is eccentric yet blissful. It is not coward; it is rather shrewd. Wake up; the limbo is just a mocked utopia of those in despair. Freed from purported catharsis you must become. Think in placidity–the world must not lose its momentum. The river is wide and intense; swim and kill the vanity of Shakespeare. Brilliance must soar in the loftiness of thy bewilderness. Bear smile, fight, and smile again. Wisdom is indefatigable. (to be continued…)