01.16.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 3:36 am by cla-uplb
Since coming back to school this January, I feel like I’ve been living in a mega freezer. I keep complaining of course especially since I cant adjust the my room’s airconditioning. Outdoors, there’s a certain chill in the air, with the sky overcast and looking as if its going to rain anytime soon.
But secretly I love the cold. I love the feel of the wind whipping at my hair and face; I love the excuse to wear a sweater and layer my clothing. I love the feeling of being cocooned in something warm.
I love the numbness that the cold brings. I like how the cold numbs my face. I have an excuse to walk faster, unmindful of other people. I like the numbness that seeps into my body right through my heart where I don’t have to feel anything at all – no pain, no grief, and no joy either. Cold, stone cold. Such sweet relief.
I have an even greater excuse to just stay in bed and sleep and dream of a place where things are fine and dandy and definitely not cold.
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01.13.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:47 am by cla-uplb
A friend said that in order to regain myself, I need to go back to the things I am passionate about – hence the entry. I guess he was afraid that if I spend too much time moping around I just might give in to those suicidal thoughts.
I love showbiz. I share my mom’s interest in Showbiz Central and The Buzz. I used to buy all those showbiz magazines, reading about who’s currently dating who and who wore the best and the worst during an awards night. My first ever dream job in the TV scene was to be an entertainment talk show host. If you ask me, I think I probably secretly idolized Christy Fermin back in grade school. (hihihihihi)
And because I love showbiz and because there was nothing to do during Christmas break (well, it was more the case of there-was-nothing-I-wanted-to-do), I spent the holidays digesting showbiz stories and gossip, one after another, from Ok! Philippines to Yes, from Showbiz Central to The Buzz. I especially like the exclusives on the celebrity break-ups of Vicky and Hayden (we’re tight), Karylle and Dingdong and Jolens and Bebong. Come to think of it, people actually go on a retreat after a break-up? Just out of curiosity, I’d like to know where one goes to for such things. (eheheheh)
It amazes me how people come up with an amazing array of reasons for breaking up: third parties, pregnant third parties, the I-need-space excuse, too busy work schedules and sex videos. Yes, sex videos. Wow! In my twisted mind these are nothing but extended manifestations of the simple truth: I don’t want you anymore. Well, well, well…
Anyway, by now you should know that this entry is nowhere anything developmental. Heck, I’m not in any mood to be ‘developmental’– now or in any future entries. Let’s just say that I reserve that kind of talk in my classroom lectures. But in this blog, I’m pretty much a useless piece of rambling, suicidal entity.
So back to my ramblings…
My friend got married last weekend. Now, this one’s a nice piece of good news after all those break-up stories I fed myself with this Christmas. I have never seen two people who deserve each other. So perhaps there are happy endings after all. 
And speaking of happy endings, perhaps I just might buy myself one of those mini, compact TV sets for news-watching this year. I definitely would like to get a good dose of those smart, preppy, chinitos in glasses.
Oh well. Now I probably sound like Dolly Carvajal in her PDI column. Oh heck! I definitely have a lot of catching up to do — my mind’s as messed up as scrambled eggs.
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